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Topics - Chicago

1
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Look to the skies!!!!
Incoming neck ache!  Rowett’s Stoke coming to town.  I cannot image a game of beautiful passing football with skill and drama.  I only think of sh!t trainers and Peter Crouch.  Stoke are underperforming. Maybe we can get the gobby tw@t the sack.  I am sure Karanka is going to overwhelm me with his dynamism.  We go ahead they hoof.  We hoof.  I have a spasm.  Jim screams that Stoke are a sh!t club and blathers something about knowing someone when he just heard something from someone else and took the credit for it.  Ingo falls off his bike.  Tricky talks about attrition and shoulders with a bit of grump thrown in.  Russ talks sh!t about something irrelevant so he can have an argument and when no-one takes the bait he has an argument anyway. JP will extol the virtues of non- league standard Scottish football (and in this instance he will probably be correct). Gasman will complain the game isnt on I-follow (it is..)  Rich B is right, it will be 2-0.... Somewhere!!!

This will not be pretty....

Chicago: Close to the ground. 
2
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Canaries In a coal mine
Are we any good?  Are Naaaaaaaaaarwwwwich?

Is Basil in the doghouse?  Will the train keep a rolling?

Ah we are boring but win anyway with a Rich B 2-0.

Murphy and Grabby pants.


Of course Norwich play football so we are probably fooked!

Chicago:  Sniffing the fumes.
3
The Daily Cut and Thrust / INgo is a cnut PART II

That's as may be but I give it to him that his clever match thread won us the game against Sheffield Borgsday for the first time in seven games.  So hopefully something equally as inspired for Rotherington this Saturday and it's Thursday you lazy cnut where is the match thread?!!?



Chicago: Passing the baton.
4
The Daily Cut and Thrust / BARRIE (NOT BARRY) VS STATIC CLING!
YES IT'S A FCUKING MATCH THREAD ON A THURSDAY BUT CURSED BY THE PREMATURE EJACULATION OF JP'S EAGERNESS TO HELP US WITH THE BOREDOM OF THE INTERNATIONAL BREAK LAST WEEK... (Why am I shouting?)...

Let's face it Kranky may have had midfielders and free agents foisted upon him but you know deep down in your heart of hearts that Colback and Watson will be playing together.  Graham Potter seems to be a great man manager, (his work in Sweden was pretty amazing), and Swansea are rolling.   Barrie will be looking for some vindication against his former team.  Will Ben O be at the back so therefore he won't probably whack him.  And let's be honest our former Little scotch pub  league hero probably won't go off the boil until November when it gets cold and you feel a good kicking.... sooooooooo we will try and bore the Welsh into submission and will probably be torn a new one... 

Brum scared them but then again they scared us.  I am not sure we have enough until we decide to play something that looks like football.   I suspect a sending off in this game (probably us because we have the worst disciplinary level in the whole division), and if any Swans player gets into trouble much to Russ's ire they will be given a pardon by the Welsh FA.


2-0 Swansea.   (Ben Brereton will score for Blackburn in a corresponding game and we all cry..)


Chicago: Hoping for a Spanish Megson progressive football stroke.....
5
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Two Spaniards and a pile of bollocks.
Last year Benitez didn’t take us seriously and lost 3-1 to Warbz with Cummings and Walker scoring.

This year we are just as dull as the Newcastle manager.

We are at home.  It is on television.  Do we have any strikers?

1-1.  Penalties.


Chicago: Not overly enthused.
6
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Blue Nose b@stards and a moaning monk.
Gary Monk annoys me.  Especially since he saved Brum from the drop.  I will be safely ensconced on the Isles Of Scilly away from the wrath of Our moaning fans.  Although to be fair we drove up to Wigan so we have a right to Hee Haw.

This will be a dour affair and we will forget to pass to each other as we try and defend a draw.

Soudani will forget the memo and score for us.  Kranky will say we need to be tighter defensively and we all yawn.

I will be watching on television and hope Cash forgets to attend the team meeting and drives us forward with pace and verve.  Ben Breo will sneak onto the pitch wearing a fake beard and the Spanish Megson won’t even notice until our fabled youngster actually scares the blue noses with his speed and promptly gets subbed.

Monk will moan about our expensively ensembled squad (forgetting he spent 15 million on Brit and old ‘Arry almost bankcrupted them with a spending spree).

It’s also on television.  Yippppeeeee!


Chicago:  Thread bearer!
7
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Toaster talk
Mother broke her toaster.  I have been tasked with buying one.  Tricky is no help at all opting for volume rather than quality and the In-laws worry about colour.

The polish girl at the pub said that if you want cheap then you can get one from Wilkinson’s for 6 quid but it only toasts on one side.  I fear that might be too much for the old dear.

I fear it’s turned into a thing.  So where else would I seek advice but from you fcukwits.

Chicago: one slice short of a full loaf. 
8
The Daily Cut and Thrust / STICK IT UP YOUR WIG WAM!
It's breaking Ingo's rules of Internet match posting on a Thursday, but fcuk him he's a mong anyway.  Wifey and I will be in attendance so we will see a masterclass by Our raging fat Bull in a china shop Soudani.  Or...because Tricky is with us it will be the Nick Powell show and we will stare wistfully at our pint glasses and say quietly .."weren't we interesting in buying him a while back..."

Wigan is close to Liverpool so by proxy they are scum.  I have always hated Paul Jewell and his stupid accent.  They are known for Rugby not football.  We will take their tin pot stadium by force, (as in by playing well as I will be wearing a hawaiian shirt in order to look inconspicuous.  What can possiblty go wrong.  There will be grumbling as we bluster around trying to put the ball in the onion bag but our Algerian gods of thunder will see us through.  They better do because we are driving up from fcuking london to see the game and going  back to the Midlands in the same day. Wifey is amused when we are losing as she likes the moaning but I can't divorce her because of it because she has all the account numbers memorized so let's not give her ammunition.  Do it for Blighty Britain and show those American's a thing or two about Culture and real sport!  In errr fcuking Wig Wam.

3-5-2.  That'll show 'em!

1-0 Forest because I said so!

Kranky out.


Chicago: Racing like the Devil. 
9
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Who's up for a ridiculously bad idea trip to Wigan in August?


Wifey fcuked up our travel schedule by insisting on booking hotels before the fixture list came out and Forest are not at home whilst we are beavering around the U.K.   In a fit of pique (as in she felt guilty when the list actually did reveal her heresy) she looked at us legging it to Wigan from london on the train.   It only takes two hours but unfortunately we have luggage in tow so where does that leave us?   I don't fancy the idea of spending the night in a Wigan hotel (anything near Liverpool makes me cringe), and would like to head back to the Nottingham/Kegworth area after the game or possibly Manchester to scare the sh!t out of #angryordissapointed.

What do you peeps suggest?  Train much quicker but what to do with luggage as Train stations don't store anything anymore due to something called terrorism.  Car?  Driving from London to Wigan sounds like a bit of a slog. 

Train and then pick up a car?   Taking a train from London to the midlands on match day and picking up a rental at East Midlands airport?   Get Tricky to pick us up?  Ha!  

Teleportation?  

First world problems obvz!

Who will be going to the game?  Shady?  Tricky? (if we press gang him), Psychobel?  

This is of course very important and demands a thread all to it's self.  Drinks are on the missus.... (cough)..


Chicago: Waiting for a PM.  
10
The Daily Cut and Thrust / BIG SAM, MEGSON, PRATLEY, CNUT!
I have always hated Bolton and their soul-less supermarket bowl of a stadium.  They didn't sell us Pratters when Mark Arthur had a rush of blood to the head and they hired Megson which was hilarious.  In theory we should let them beat us to send Brum down which would make me laugh hysterically but I prefer we tw@t them and Barnsley beat d*rby in hilarious circumstances and Burton win to send both Noblot down with the blue noses. 

Will we see patio fodder?  I doubt it.  Cranky is a bore.  A functional bore, but a bore all the same.  I hope Burton survive and it makes me laugh that these northern numpties have to beat us to have a chance. 

8-1?  That would involve attacking.  Powell and Mckay roar to life with a debut from a youngster?

No?  old blokes then.

yawn 0-0 and they go down anyway.

Chicago: Bottom Feeder. 

PS:  And oh yeah they want me to get up at 6:50am on Sunday morning to watch this sh!t.  Someone’s a comedian!

11
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Who’s under the Patio?
Well?  Are we going to see anyone new?

Dunno but we play Barnsley today.  Will we experience the or will we die of boredom at the lack of imagination?



Chicago:  Just asking.
12
The Daily Cut and Thrust / NO BRITT'S FAT ARSE TO SAVE US!


Do you remember the nail biting excitement of last season's finale where a fit again Britt showed his quality and dispatched Ipswich after being gifted a penalty due to Wardy mardy bum's endeavour to get a penalty.  That was a fun game.  Ipswich are dreadful away from home and Mick is leaving at the end of the season.  Can we bloody score?  I mean can we?   Would a 0-0 be enough if Barnsley don't win?  I am not convinced we will repeat last year's heroics and it's getting a tad squeaky bum.  I mean we should be safe but Kranky and his expansive football is um.......

It's getting warmer.  Does this mean Barrie Mckay will feel the love again and come out firing with Lolley chops or has Matty Cash recovered to run around a lot.

It's a question for the ages.

Let's go for an optimistic 1-0 off our other fat arsed footballer Tomlin.    Or will be just play arse?   Arses are in!!!!!!!!  



Chicago: Slapping that booty. 
13
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Good Friday or just a brick in the head.
Kranky wants to win the last 8 games.  Once i’ve Stopped laughing at his total Football ambitions the other news according to the Evening Po’ says Jack Hobbs is coming back to play.  Really?  Sounds like we are going for a massive 0-0 win!

Apparently we are going to rotate strikers which means Ben is going to play.


Millwa’ are big giant thunderous thugs and Tim Cahill.  We have two gingers.  Scrap scrap scrap!

Early game.  Got to be on television.  Yipppppeeee!


Chicago: Battering Ram.
15
The Daily Cut and Thrust / Mutton Chops and Mint Sauce

It would be lovely to help continue their inevitable slide towards mediocrity.  Can somebody kick Vydra.  That fcuker always scores against us.

1-1 Probably.    Can’t see Kranky doing anything out of the ordinary.  Someone will undoubtably get sent off.

Love us to win.   Let’s go with a masterclass from Reid mark II and Gueddy.


Chicago:  Ommmm!